13 Tips to Simplify Daily Living with a Chronic Illness

Every day can be a struggle with a chronic illness. Even when my husband helped me with just about everything around the house, there were very few days when I didn’t feel the brunt of fibromyalgia in one way or another. Now, with him out of commission, I am feeling it even more.

I have previously written about how I managed grad school with fibromyalgia. And I am using many of the same strategies at my current job. But I have had to “rediscover” some tips to manage the daily chores in a way that eases my growing pain and fatigue now that I have to hold up the fort at home as well.

I have shared them here, hoping they may reach someone who might benefit from them.


In general:

1. Don’t be proud. (If living like a college student is a complete deal breaker for you, you might as well stop reading now!) Seriously though, many a time, it is our pride and expectations of how we should appear, how our house should look, how holidays should be conducted, that make life more difficult for us than they need to be. Try to let go of the allure of appearances, and worrying about how it looks to the neighbors. Focus only on what you need to do to get some semblance of your life back.

2. Prioritize. Start with doing the things that absolutely need doing that day (if that garbage is starting to stink, taking it out needs to be near the top of the list!). Jokes apart, with this general strategy, if you run out of energy before you finish your list, you can stop without too much concern. Let those less important things wait. Trust me, they’ll be waiting for you tomorrow. Unless your fairy godmother steps in and turns some mice into fairy-housekeepers who magically take care of the remaining chores for you! (If that happens, please give them my number!)

3. It’s OK to put off the optional activities if there’s only room for the mandatory. Sometimes the optional activities are the fun “me-time” things, like our hobbies. If so, consider replacing them with equally fun “non-activities” (binge watching Netflix, for example) that help you relax and find peace in a chaotic day. However, if you can move around some less important tasks to make room for that “me-time” activity, don’t pass up the chance!


Groceries and Meals

4. Frozen meat and vegetables. If you enjoy cooking, doing large batches once a week and freezing meals is a great idea. But, that does add to other “intensive” weekend chores, and may not be the right fit for everyone (certainly isn’t for a non-cook like me). So, I turn to frozen chicken, sausage, fish and vegetables. Many of them can be prepared within minutes in the oven, microwave or on stove-top, and they are really hard to mess up! With some careful label reading, portion control and balancing with other food groups, this is not a terribly unhealthy option either.

5. Snack healthy with fruits and nuts. This is easy for me because I love both, but they really are an excellent source of nutrients and perfect for between-meal snacking!

6. Meal delivery services (e.g. Uber Eats). When all else fails, and you simply haven’t the energy to do one more thing, meal delivery services can prevent you from starving. If available where you live, Uber Eats (or other delivery options) can be a life saver!

7. Online groceries. Several places like WalMart and Amazon (Amazon Fresh & Prime Pantry) are now allowing you to buy groceries online, and either picking them up at the store or delivering to your home. It cuts out much of the walking, reaching, bending, standing, etc. that can make grocery shopping hard on spoonies. I think Amazon is kind of expensive for this service, but I feel I am actually saving money buying a list of things I need online at WalMart and having them load the bags into my car at the store. It reduces impulsive buying because I just saw something cool at the store. Rather a neat “plus” for an already useful service!

8. Use wheels to transport groceries. A folding bag or basket on wheels (something like this, for example) can be very helpful so you don’t have to carry a heavy load of bags from your car to the home. It’s a bit more awkward to use if you have stairs to climb, but there are some “stair climbing” options too, like this one.


Hosting & Housekeeping

9. If hosting is too much trouble, take your friends out to eat. Don’t feel obligated to deal with the cleaning, decorations, table and meal preparations, and the subsequent clean-up, if that is not your thing and you know it will wipe you out. This also goes for the holidays; find creative alternative solutions so you can still spend quality time with friends and family, without tiring yourself out.

10. Make as few dirty dishes as possible. Don’t be too proud to use paper plates or just eat out of take-out boxes! Soak “adult” dishes/utensils (or use a dishwasher) for easier clean-up that requires less wrist and elbow grease.

11. Reduce frequency of housekeeping tasks. House cleaning once a week, or alternating between rooms and taking it easy might reduce how much energy is spent on a ritual task that can often take more time and energy than we anticipate (and leave us drained and hurting).

12. Focus on functionality over perfection. Practice the science of “good-enough.” That means the house may not be perfectly clean, the corners may remain dusty, actually a lot of things are probably dusty, but at least I can walk across my floor without the dirt and grit sticking to my bare foot! That’s good enough for me! My clothes are not neatly folded (in fact, if they are not hanging, they are lying in a “dump” on a shelf in my closet), but as long as I can still find what I need, I don’t bother fixing up the closet just to make it look pretty. It’s in a state of “working disorder,” which is good enough for me.

13. Break up tasks. If cleaning takes a lot out of you (as it does for me), try breaking up the different tasks on different days. Dust the books and shelves one day, vacuum or mop the other, clean the bathroom on a third. If a particular cleaning job takes more arm-power (cleaning the toilet or bathtub for example), do that on its own day when you take on fewer other intensive chores.


To be completely honest, these tips have not been enough to keep me from sliding into a flare. I have felt my symptoms worsen despite using the strategies above. However, I do feel they have made a difference. When every little bit seems to take a gargantuan effort, any bit of reprieve is appreciated.

I certainly don’t think I could manage to keep on taking care of my home as well as work full time forever, even using all the strategies I write about. But these tips have allowed me to successfully fulfill the temporary needs of my household, without needing to take at least 1-2 days off from work (that I have not even collected yet!) over a complete crash that pins me to the bed. Essentially, they have slowed my decline, and that was about all I could ask for!

So, if you or someone you know is in a similar spot, and is struggling with daily life as a fibromyalgiac, I hope these tips help them too — at least a little anyway. And if you are a fellow chronic illness warrior with more daily living tips of your own, I invite you to share them in the comments below, so others can benefit from them too!

Gentle hugs,

Fibronacci

Weekly Photo Challenge: Silence

Silence is to be able to contemplate the small, the tiny, the insignificant, and find the image of its beauty within yourself.

As much as that sounds like a quote from somebody famously enlightened, that just came from me. And I absolutely refuse to carry on the internet tradition of assigning fake quotes to famous names.

Besides, I truly mean it.

I clicked that photo yesterday, just as the sun was coming up on a rare snowy day in the Deep American South. I was enchanted by that flock of clover sticking up from the snow, like nothing could keep it down. It was intent on being a bright burst of color in the white landscape.

There was nobody else out that early, with the temperature in the frigid lower teens (-10°C, for those unfamiliar with the Fahrenheit scale). It was quiet and beautiful. Peacefully serene. I could hear myself think, and that is always a good feeling.

Yesterday wasn’t a particularly great day for me. The cold and frequent fluctuations in the weather had me achy at best, and spasming at worst. But that moment of tranquility, as the sun came up and reflected its colors on the snow, was one to cherish.

That moment was my own bright burst of color for the day. I could feel its beauty and peace. It was my private escape into silence.

Love,

Fibronacci

Weathering the Daily Struggle

“There’s a lot going on right now.”

That’s been a common refrain for me since I started a new job and my husband had to have emergency knee surgery. I know it sounds like an excuse when I say that about why I don’t have time to read, or to paint, or hang out with friends. They probably think it is an excuse too. But the one who used to take care of everything else so I could work and pursue my hobbies is now severely limited in what he can do. So it’s all on me now. I just hope that whenever I say that, nobody asks me what exactly is “on me now.”

Because the truth is that there nothing going on with me right now that hasn’t been going on forever in everybody else’s lives. But with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia which limits my daily energy levels, those same daily activities feel like they are draining the life out of me, when for everybody else they’re just mildly annoying chores that they mostly don’t even think about.

To say that daily living chores and a fairly physically non-taxing job is wearing me out, I imagine is eliciting eye rolls right now. Like I should stop whining and suck it up at adulting. I am embarrassed to even admit it; it makes me feel weak and stupid. But it is also a frustrating reality I cannot escape.

For a while, I was taking care of my husband’s personal care routine when he was mostly bedridden. I will spare you the grisly details; suffice to say it was nothing physically taxing for a normal healthy person. He mostly took care of himself, all I had to do was arrange his things where he could reach them, and clean up after him. But now that he can hobble about the house, I don’t even have to do that. He’s even taken over meal preparations again, so we don’t have to eat like freshman undergrads anymore! (If you’re wondering about that last statement – I’m a foodie who doesn’t cook, and seriously lucked out with a husband worthy of chefhood!)

The rest of the “lot [that is] going on right now” is just everyday stuff that for most people is mindless living. I wake up early, limp to the kitchen for coffee and breakfast, I get dressed and work a full-time job. On the weekends I clean the house, do the laundry and get groceries for the week.

Nothing at all that seems out of the ordinary! Everybody I know does all of that and more, and still finds time for friends, books, hobbies, and exercise.

And yet yours truly collapses every day after work, unable to even consider going for the evening exercise class. I look forward to the weekend when I could rest. But even with my “tips and tricks” to ease my load, the weekends often end up being worse than the weekdays.

Laundry, house cleaning, dish washing, all take more arm and leg work than one might imagine. And I don’t even do a particularly thorough job of any of it. The walking and frequent bending/reaching during grocery shopping has always been hard for me. So we switched to online groceries that we now simply pick up at the store. But carrying those home, putting them up, all eat up pieces of my energy pie. Some activities eat a larger slice than others, and at the end of the day, I am barely left with crumbs.

So I am left weathered every night either passing out in exhaustion or unable to sleep because of the pain and discomfort. I am nearly continually in a flare these days, rendered functional only by virtue of tramadol. And a cold I fought for a week did nothing to help that situation.

I am also left cringing in shameful embarrassment at how far my life and fitness has fallen. For a long time it seems I had stopped thinking about how much fibromyalgia intruded into my daily life. When my husband took care of practically everything, and encouraged me to save all my energy for things that bring me meaning, peace and happiness, he did it all so apparently effortlessly! He never made me feel indebted for all that he does. Though I was always grateful, I now have a renewed level of appreciation for him and for everything he did. In doing them, he was saving me massive slices of my energy pie, because all those activities that are nothing for him are seriously draining for me. But most of all, I am grateful that he did all of that without making me feel any the less for not being able to be functional like a “normal” person.


I know this post ended up being something of a rant, but sometimes cheer takes too much effort. My hope is that this post sheds some light on what everyday life can be for someone with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia. And if you are a “healthy” reader who has an invisible illness warrior in the family, I hope this helps you understand what a struggle just everyday living can be for them, and why sometimes they are unable to partake in things that take no effort on your part.

The last few weeks with my husband’s immobilized leg haven’t been all bad however. There have been silver linings and moments of reflection. I promise to write more about them in a later post.

Love,

Fibronacci