Blogmas 2017 Christmas Tag

Many, many thanks to Lavender and Levity for tagging me on the Christmas tag this year. My apologies for not being able to get to it on time, but hey, better late than never, right?

What is your favorite Christmas movie?

  • There’s too many, but I am particularly fond of the humor in A Christmas Story, and the sentiment behind A Wonderful Life. Charlie Brown Christmas gets a special mention because I often feel like CB on days when you’re expected to be merry.


Do you like to stay in Pajamas or Dress Up for Christmas day?

  • I’m practically always in pajamas unless I have to go out. Then I wear something suitable for wherever I am going. Christmas day is no different.

If you could only buy one person a present this year who would it be and why?

  • I would buy our family the gift of health. The witches better get brewing!

This is perhaps also a good time to explain why my blog has been so neglected past few weeks. My husband ruptured a tendon in his knee a couple of weeks ago, and is now looking forward to at least another month of immobilization in bed. Since he is unable to do anything that requires any mobility (which is just about everything when you come to think of it), I have been taking care of him, our home, as well as the new job. This is quite a role reversal for us – our personal “upside down.” Needless to say, this has not left me feeling the best, but more on this episode later. The point of the story here was to illustrate how we could both use a bit of Link’s magic health potion right about now!


Do you open your present Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?

  • Christmas morning.

Have you ever built a ginger bread house?

  • No, but I’ve built a Halloween cookie house! From a kit. Still counts?

What are you most looking forward to this Christmas season?

  • Hmm, I was looking forward to a holiday with friends in New Jersey, but we had to cancel that following my husband’s accident. Now I am most looking forward to him getting better!

Any Christmas wishes?

  • I wish people could take a quiet moment and look inward this Christmas. Self-reflection and finding peace within oneself is so important. I am with the Dalai Lama in that there can be no lasting peace on Earth until people find peace within themselves.

Favorite Christmas smell?

  • Cinnamon and chocolate, or dark chocolate and peppermint. (That they are also popular coffee flavors has never escaped me.)


Favorite Christmas meal or treat?

  • Ferrero Rocher

How do you traditionally spend your Christmas day?

  • Very little is done “traditionally” over Christmas in recent years because I am never in the same place. I often visit my parents in India during the winter. If I’m there, we repeat a childhood tradition of visiting the nuns at my old grade school (it’s a Catholic school attached to a convent), and bring them presents. There’s a Christmas party we attend at a country club, and receive Christian friends who share delicious fruit cakes with us. If I’m with my husband, we are sometimes traveling on Christmas day, or visiting his parents, sharing some food and exchanging presents. Oh, and simply relaxing watching Christmas movies! Rudolph, Frosty, Christmas Story, Scrooge(s), Polar Express…

Do you open stockings first or presents?

  • As a child, I used to open stockings first because they were closest to the bed. Now I don’t put any stockings up so there’s no competition.

When do you put up your tree?

  • As soon after Thanksgiving as possible!
Created with Microsoft Fresh Paint
Festivities (digital)

Least favorite part of Christmas?

  • Probably how much a day like that comes loaded with behavioral expectations. That scares me because I’m not sure if my mask is bleeding and my anxiety is showing through.

Any unusual traditions during your Christmas?

  • My husband and I enjoy driving around some of the neighborhoods that do pretty lights and decorations over Christmas and looking at peoples’ houses and yards. We do this for Halloween too, and most often they are the same neighborhoods.

Favorite childhood Christmas memory?

  • When I was seven or eight, we were traveling one Christmas Eve by bus, and I was understanding of the fact that there was no way I could get presents that night. Nonetheless, my mother made me hang a stocking which I thought would be pointless. I didn’t really ever believe in Santa, and I knew my parents didn’t have time to buy gifts. But lo and behold! On Christmas morning, I found some ornaments in that stocking!! I was flabbergasted!! I couldn’t get it out of mom how she did it! She kept insisting it was Santa! I figured it out eventually, but for a while that day, I remember wondering if perhaps there truly was Santa!

Would you like to participate?

I am afraid it is a little too late to tag anyone, since this is supposed to be something done by Christmas 2017. But if you see this post, and you think it’s fun, please consider yourself tagged! All you have to do is answer the same questions as I did above. Please leave a link back to my post, so I know about it because I would love to read your responses. And tag your post with #ChristmasCheer on Twitter so we can find each other!

From the questions above, nothing seems Christmas-specific. It could be used for any holiday. So if you like, pick your favorite holiday or the one that means the most to you, and answer the same questions about that day!

Created with Microsoft Fresh Paint
Ladies of the Light (digital)

I sincerely wish that the end of the year brings all my friends much happiness and loads of spoons!




What I Learned from my Leap of Faith

I ran, and I ran, and I ran, until I could run no more. I was at the edge of a cliff, and the only way forward was down. The waves roared below but I had no choice. Down, down, down I went. I felt the ocean breeze spray my face. Yet I did not hit the rocks. That’s when I realized, I could fly!

In fantasy terms, that largely summarizes the last year or so of my life. After struggling with a bad fibromyalgia flare all of my last semester at graduate school, I was at the end of my tether. I realized I needed to take a break before continuing on to any new work in order to prevent a complete collapse.

It was a tough decision for me at the time. It had been nearly a decade since I was on any vacation longer than a few weeks. I was concerned that while my body might feel better during a period of sustained rest, my brain would feel “wasted” without any brainy-work to do. At the same time, I was facing a lot of judgement from my professors who were not privy to my physical problems, and were convinced the break would ruin any prospects of a career. I was also worried that without something substantial to occupy my mind, I may be too focused on the pain and feel the worse for it.

Not knowing how I was going to react to an indefinite period of unemployment, it was largely taking a leap of faith. But as it turned out, most of my worries never came to pass. And in the process, I even learned a thing or two about myself!

So here are five things I learned about myself when I stepped off a ledge into the dreaded unknown:

1. I can actually enjoy taking a complete break from work for a while!

It certainly took a while — at first I was just very stressed about not having a career direction — but then slowly, I was able to embrace the lack of all absolute obligations, deadlines and requirements! Instead of feeling wasted, as I feared I would, I felt more open. Once I got comfortable with not having anything particular to do, I felt my brain slowly creep out of its “lefty” mode and start spreading its wings! I felt more creative and free, and thoughts and ideas flowed in and out of my mind more easily. I loved the peace and quiet, the serenity of the guilt-free time to think and write. Now that all of my energy wasn’t spent working, I had more energy for other things (like, as silly as this might sound, washing my hair!).

2. It is impossible for me to be bored.

I know when I first floated the idea of the break, many well-meaning people thought I might get bored. I wondered about it too. But as it turns out, my mind is too full of things to ever be bored! I always have something going on in there — perhaps a new idea for a painting, or a blog post, or even a future book! Most of the time my mind is full of reflective, meditative thoughts about both the world inside of me and that which surrounds me. My home is practically a library, so I always have a stack of books I am working through next to my bed. My capacity for imagination may be endless when I choose to engage in it. And I am surrounded by both instant access to knowledge (thanks to the internet) and a mind that voraciously craves new and varied information about a diverse set of topics. So, as I learned, it is impossible for me to get bored as I am engaged in too many activities at any one time, even if I don’t move a limb!

3. I can get too inward-focused for my own good.

Truth be told, given a choice of living in the “outer” world and the “inner” world, I would choose the “inner” one any day. And as I got all comfortable living in that “inner” world last few months, I realized that is also a problem. As someone who has always suffered from social anxiety, it has taken me years of practice at being around people to learn how to function properly in the world. It is never comfortable, but it is an important life skill. Yet now, I seem to be using fibromyalgia as an excuse to get more and more away from the outside world and turn back inwards. Without any definite obligations to attend to, I feel especially free now to just give in to the regular ups and downs of the condition, and just stay in and recoil into my own world even more. This can begin to feel too comfortable after a while, something which, ironically enough, makes me quite uncomfortable! So I learned that I need things that push me against my instincts and challenge me, so life stays fresh, interesting, and even a little challenging all the time!

(Besides, neck strain from too much reading is contributing to some killer headaches last couple of weeks, so it is clearly time I got out and did something else!)

4. I am more OK with leaping into the unknown than I had thought I was!

When I was first offered my current job with the state government, I was not sure about it at all. I was afraid it will take me too far away from biology proper. But ultimately, after a lot of deliberation on other potential options, I decided to take the plunge. One of the things that appealed to me about the job was that I knew nothing of the specifics of what I was about to do! That was a good thing, because I did not know enough to know what to be stressed about! And I realized that I love this feeling of the “beginner’s mind” that can only be accessed when exploring the complete unknown. This is how I felt when I first walked into the research lab as an undergraduate that I eventually graduated with a Ph.D. from! I knew nothing about doing science, so I was eager to learn all I could. With an open mind, I was able to think about what I was learning without the restrictions that come with expertise. It was a feeling of freedom, of possibilities, of growth, and of accumulating life experiences — all of which I dearly cherish. Now I feel ready to inhabit the “beginner’s mind” once more. I have no real clue where this unexpected path will take me in the future, but I am in for the ride with an open mind.

5. I was ready for a major change.

After spending several years working as a bench biologist in academia, I will be a data scientist for a government agency. That is about as different as different can get, and I remain surprised the opportunity even came by me! But, I feel ready for it. I feel I am too young to cage myself into a narrow realm of possibilities. I had stayed long enough in academia to recognize the good, the bad and the ugly in it. It was time for me to explore a different setting now, a different field. My interests are too widespread to be constrained into the narrow niche that a standard academic career demands. So if I am going to play outside of the academic playbook, I would have to create my own paths into a non-standard career. I feel like this job out in left field is the first step in that direction.

For a fiercely analytical person, who likes to weigh the pros and cons of everything, taking a leap of faith can be very difficult. This was especially true of me in the case of my break from employment, because it conventionally bodes ill so early in one’s career. But at the time I had few other choices, and luckily, everything turned out just fine in the end! Plus I really appreciated having the time to exclusively manage the nasty flares that have gripped me most of this year. So I wanted to write this post not just as a future reminder to myself to not be so afraid of doing the crazy “unthinkable” thing, but also as an encouragement to anyone else who may be in a similar spot as I was back then.

If you’re feeling iffy about the jump but it’s edge of your cliff, close your eyes, and trust your wings.